If you feel like something isn’t right in your relationship despite loving your partner, you might be caught up in a narcissistic abandonment cycle. In this cycle, your partner may initially shower you with praise and affection but then constantly crave admiration and attention. They may blame, shame, and gaslight you when faced with rejection. It’s essential to recognize the signs of a narcissistic relationship, as this pattern is typical in such dynamics.
What is the Narcissistic abandonment cycle?
Narcissistic abandonment cycle refers to how individuals with narcissistic personality disorder seek to control others to protect their created self. Abandonment by a narcissist doesn’t always mean complete discard; sometimes it involves maintaining some level of contact but making the victim feel abandoned. This yo-yo method of abandonment is particularly painful for the victims.
1. "Is it me?"
During a narcissistic abandonment cycle, you might find yourself questioning if you’re the self-centered one or if you’re the problem in the relationship. The narcissist will twist your words, leaving you doubting yourself.
2. "Am I going crazy?"
The narcissist may use your words against you and make you feel like you’re going crazy. They’re skilled at convincing you that their memory is better than yours, causing you to question your own recollection of events.
3. "I didn't say that"
The narcissist may deny saying something or insist that you said something you don’t remember. Memory is fallible and unreliable, but with a narcissist, words are used as weapons to hurt you and undermine you.
4. "I'm wrong again"
In a narcissistic abandonment cycle, you’ll be made to feel like you’re always at fault and need to apologize, even for things that aren’t your fault.
5. "Am I really jealous and overly sensitive?"
The narcissist will blame you for being too sensitive or jealous, leaving you feeling unsupported and insecure in the relationship.
6. "Do I have trust issues?"
The coming and going of the narcissist in the relationship will likely lead to the development of trust issues, as you’re unsure of their intentions and actions.
7. "Do you feel like something is just not right?"
You may feel like you’re constantly trying to please your partner but never quite succeeding. This can be mentally exhausting, and it’s important to seek counseling to explore your feelings and find a way forward.
The narcissistic abandonment cycle can leave you feeling constantly on edge and unsure of yourself. You might feel the need to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner, fostering a sense of insecurity and mistrust.
The narcissistic abandonment cycle occurs in 6 stages
Shame, avoidance and leaving, fears of abandonment, return and promises, hope, and then the pattern repeats. The cycle is driven by the narcissist’s need for attention and control, and their avoidance of feeling small or rejected. Ultimately, the narcissist seeks validation and attention, often returning without apologies or explanations. Instead, they may shift blame onto you and threaten to leave again in the future.
If you’re struggling with ongoing emotional abuse from a narcissist, know that you’re not alone. Kellie Norris at Journey Psyche specializes in abandonment, narcistic abuse, and inner child therapy for Arizona patients. Book Your Appointment with Kellie Today
